At any time during this message, feel free to remove an ear and fill the resulting orifice with a cat. Your first exam of this coming semester will be printed on the back of an argonaut and will contain the words "sizable legume extracts" in at least 11 different places. So is Ed Meese named after a whole bunch of mooses, or am I just really confused? Accept no phone calls from ambidextrous deodorant salesman wearing nasal suspenders. Let's raise a hullabaloo over the Oregon trail. There's always room for tubas! During those awkard quiet moments that occur during conversations, pass out fresh fruit and yachting equipment to liven things up. This evening you will encounter an unemployed zamboni operator with an uncanny chammelon-like ability to blend with his environment while singing the "Dukes of Hazard" theme song at top volume. Multiplying a number by 37 results in a number which is 37 times larger (at STP, the racer's edge). Play hockey in a bowling alley while simultaneously eating Q-tips and painting impressioninst artwork on zucchinis. Woah, that lecture on atomic particles was really Bohring. You say Ottawa, I say Moldavia, let's call the whole thing off. Have your buttocks prominently displayed in a store-front window. Date the girl from Venus... for science. Disregard all statements regarding disregarding. An unexpected phone call from a deaf-mute lesbian albino Eskimo will be the harbinger of low Scrabble scores and increased amounts of ear zits. Impale a squirrel with a tent stake shaped like a urinal to relieve stress and embarrassing gas. Integral, radical, mu dee vee: slipstick, slide-rule, MIT! Good God, on a scale of 1 to scary beard guy, how nerdy is that song.
Emergency airlifts of Stove Top Stuffing and Aunt Jemima maple (flavored) syrup to Zurich and Racine will narrowly avert a worldwide Viewmaster Viewer shortage. Beat up your neighbor and force-feed him cantaloupe-flavored granola until he consents to carry moonbeams home in a jar, or would you rather be a mule. Pocket waterskiing is destined to proliferate and become all the rage among former Gilligan's Island actors. Give a gift to a friend wrapped in spray painted chainsaws. Malevolent magenta asthmatic oxen will collumate your urine and force you to listen to six straight days of uninterrupted polka music. Catapults named Bob will become a major issue in the next presidential election.
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